i wonder

wtf goes on in a mother's mind. are all mothers th same? will i be the same?

my mom never fails to DISTURB ME/IRRITATE ME/ MAKE ME PISSED/ MAKE ME GIVE UP ON MY WORK when im rushing for project completion/exams/homework or whatever that makes me really uptight.

and consequences? i get damn fucking pissed off and say things like dont disturb me lar, shut up lar i dont wanna talk, ni bu yao fan wo ke yi ma? and tadah, we get into a cold war.

i fucking hate this kinda thing lar. why cant she like FIND the right time to scold. i know that my room is damn messy I KNOW. i cant stand it either but i DONT HAVE TH FUCKING TIME to pack now.

just WAIT TILL MY EXAMS ARE OVER i'll clear the whole bloody room out lar.

damn pissed. i already cleared some of my clothes. and if i clear everything, you say i spoil your washing machine, whole washing machine is full and bla bla. I DONT KNOW WHATS UR PROBLEM.

you ask me to hang up my jeans/pants/shorts whatever behind the door. and when i hang it there, YOU COME AND SAY SO MUCH CLOTHES HANGING BEHIND, COLLECTING DUST ALREADY. bloody contradicting okay?

totally puts me off. whats wrong with mom's nowadays?

oh well. my relationship with my mom has never been good. oh wait, it was good when im not with kervin. she's doing this on purpose or what?

one minute, you know that i wont object. if i want to object i would have done it long ago

the other minute. FOR THE PAST coming to 2 YEARS. every fucking thing is WRONG to you. cept during the times that im not with him. MY OH MY what the @#*(&#@$)(* is your problem?!?!

MOM, IM OLD ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. just LET ME BE.

i'll pack my room when i cant find place to do my work. i am partially a perfectionist also. when i see things are REALLY REALLLLY getting out of hand. I WILL PACK THINGS ON MY OWN.

my room is REALLY messy now. i need to pack it, but i still have my exams going on. just wait wait wait until my exams are over PLEASE?

my CPU/LCD MONITER is on the floor next to me. i cant roll my chair around cause i'll crash into it.

the area where my LCD moniter + keyboard was is littered now with the stupid graphic card box, stacks of paper, lunchboxes, waterbottles,tissuepaper, EVERYTHING. i just dumbed everything there, so that i've space to write.

im just making myself pissed. oh whatever.

& worst. im so tired i cant even scream at her or whatever. and kervin? out playing basketball. nobody to rant to. even if i rant, i'll get scolded.

sometimes i wonder, does anybody even think about my feelings? how the #@$(*&#) stressed am i? how unhappy i feel? how pissed i get? how unreasonable things can get and I CAN SAY NOTHING?

im tired of this fucking life thats nothing but SCHOOL, GOOD GRADES, GOOD THIS GOOD THAT. a stupid PIECE OF PAPER that determines your future. close to 20 years of STUDYING and spend the next half of your life SLOGGING it out to get a measly 4 figure pay & then getting the shit from your children after you've retired. SLOG IT OUT and bring up your child & get dumped in a old folks home some day.


im pissed. with every single thing.

not being able to meet you because you're out with your friends & that many a times, you choose your friends over me is not helping at all.

wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf. WTFFFFFF. bloody life.