GRANDMA.
17 years ago, she carried me in her arms ( or so i assume. she has to right? i'm afterall the 3rd grandchild of the family ). i was never close to her. not even through these 17 years.
for the first few years of my life, i see her monthly. or so i assume ( i can't really remember anything ). and then when i was able to walk, say about 4 or 5? i started passing her monthly expenses from my dad.
and then, ryan came into this world. of course, another grandson. i can say my grandma is rather bias, but she loves me all the same. :) just that of course, who doesn't love the guys more? she dotes of my brother always asking my mom not to scold him ( even if he's in the wrong ).
so when ryan was at the walkable age, 4 or 5 ( with me 9, 10 ). he took up the job of giving grandma the monthly expenses. occasionally i still gave her hugs and a kiss when we left her place. we still talked occassionally too.
then came rayna. my grandma LOVED her loads. :) she was considered the youngest in the family. :) grandma doted on the two younger ones alot. and we talked lesser, and i don't even hug her. now all i do when i leave is byebye mama, byebye yeye.
a few years later, grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. she went through medical treatment and was free from cancer. the next 5 years would be the "watching" stage, if it doesn't relapse, she is free from cancer ( or so they say ).
at this stage, i have stopped talking to her totally. occassionally just answering her questions. she's happy to see us once a month. i really wished we visited her alot more.
but, since november, we visited her alot more - in the hospital. it was painful to see her grumble about the hospital food. to see so many plugs plugged into her. she is a stubborn lady. she doesn't really like people to help her. she even scolded the nurses who were concern about her safety in the toilet. thankyou nurses, it's the best profession around.
her health begin to deterioate. she coughed blood almost the whole day. and finally, she was put on medication that will stop her pain but then, it does not work for everyone.
she was a stubborn lady. she refused to take medication - because the stupid darn doctor told her the cost of the full course of medication. it was 100bux/pill. and she has to take a pill everyday.
she was staying at home, and we always back to her place to visit her :) but one day, she was admitted into hospital because of difficulty in breathing. that's when things really began to get super depressing.
she was put on oxygen mask because there was too much moisture in her lungs and caused her difficulty in breathing. she was heaving and panting. she can't even go to the toilet in peace. she comes out of the toilet heaving so badly. it hurts to see her suffer so much
i wouldn't have mind so much if she just left in peace. but she suffered so much.
she was put on morphine on Tuesday, 28th febuary. and was in deep sleep all the way till she passed on. i didn't get to see her after sunday, 26thfeb. that was the last time i saw her. and she said i look like my aunt. lol, so funny :)
we were supposed to visit her on friday. but she left. on 2nd of march, 1020pm. i can't ask for much. at least i saw her on sunday. my cousin didn't even see her since chinese new year.
sigh.
i really miss my grandma. i hope she isn't gloating in the plight i'm in now because i didnt listen to her. mama bless me with good life okie? (: haha. i hope she's doing fine, where ever she is.
i love you - although i've never ever said that to you before.
mama, wherever u are, can you see kervin? :p handsome hor? haha! why u dont say my bf handsome leh? maybe cause u've never seen him before :( why you say crystal's bf handsome!
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granny i miss you. i hope to see you soon.
see how haggard is she? :( poor thing.
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